Monday, July 7, 2008

Driving Facts

With the rising price of gas, and oilgas, and gasoil, and oil, and my job being primarily to deliver food to "well paying" customers, I decided to see what the miles per gallon rating my car is getting. Now, a few factors fit in to my rating that I have to take into consideration, my job consists of a lot of starting and stopping, turning on the ignition burns a small fraction of your gas, and doing it in a high volume will probably take a chunk out of your tank. Anyways, so I filled up my tank last week and reset my odometer thing to 0. As the work week progressed my tank slowly got closer to empty, and when it got as close to empty as I think I could safely drive with, I filled it back up to see how many gallons I used, and I looked at my odometer.

I got roughly 252 miles on about 13.5 gallons. Looking through the power of my interweb, I found out that my car should be running about 20 mpg city, and 28 mpg highway. with the power of the calcumalator, I found out my car runs about 19 mpg, so... yeah.


this was a really boring blog. My penises fuel rating is actually much better.

Saturday, July 5, 2008


One of my managers is on an eternal hunt for bitches. Bitches is a term often used in a derogitory manner to describe women, or people who have women parts, or dogs of the female variety. While personally, I am not too interested in bitch hunting, but it's always interesting hearing his stories. After a long one sided discussion about the places where's he got freaky with mad bitches (mad bitches is a demonination describing the intense volume of said bitches, not the demeanor in which they were at the time of said boinking). I was surprised! He gets so many bitches! I don't even think I've ever met that many bitches, maybe like 3 or 4, but they were kind of mean, I don't know if I want to touch them with my peepee like that. I recall once he was talking to me about how he watches CBS, because all he sees is B.S. He's a fountain of knowledge, I feel like I can learn a lot from this man.

That shit is deep.

his knees is deep.

in bitches.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Internet Funny/Real World Funny

Some people find me funny (Like my 2 year old nephew), while many people don't (like my mom). I find that one of my few redeeming characteristics is sometimes I say awkward things and in order for there not to be be that weird silence, sometimes people do this thing called laughing. Some might say I'm funny, those people are nice. Some people might say I'm lame, though, I can't imagine who would (other than my mom). Anyways, when it comes down to it, some peole are in person funny, some people are text funny.

I find that majority of the time, I'm less likely to screw up the delivery on a witty quip if I type it out, as opposed to saying it in person. I'll be completely honest, unless you actually know me, and even then, you have to had practically given birth to me (like my mom), you can't really tell whether I'm being completely serious or being sarcastic. Anyways, I like making people laugh, it's better than sulking, for one, so when I make people laugh, it gives me inside smiles.

Being funny in the real world is great, but there's a significantly greater chance of you looking obnoxious instead of looing witty in person. So I guess it' better to play it safe, right?

I remember one time, I was liek "hey, I was thinking about doing stand up" and then someone was like "but you have to be funny..." (thanks mom). The problem with stand up comedy is like, you have to be ON all the time. In situations that make me nervous, I struggle to overcome my shyness and in an attempt to be ON, I just end up looking like a dweeb. It's not that bad to look like a dweeb on the internet, because you have the backspace button. Plus, if you're like me, and you use random commas and punctuation as well as spell whole words out, that shit confuses people (use it to your advantage).

Anyways, I wish I was ON all the time. That would be sweet. I also wish I didn't fall into that "fat guy who says funny things" stereotype, so I try and be tough and silent. But unless you're hot and built, being tough and silent immediately becomes being anti-social and awkward. Which I'm totally not, so shut up (I'm talking to you Mom).